The Day My Shoes Made Me Faint

By: Sue Donim

This odd little incident happened to me, a few summers ago. A box of shoes from Target had been reported “delivered”, but was nowhere to be seen.

I called Customer Service,of course, and inquired as to why the package was not on my front steps.

Have you checked the back door? they  asked.

“No, but I will now,” I replied, as the agent waited politely on the phone.

Just then, a small hill or valley underneath the grass on the side of the house, hitherto unbeknownst to me, made me trip and fall so sharply, I saw stars.

Bewildered, I stood up, and immediately fell again. The  intense pain made me literally nauseous. I stumbled to the backyard, vaguely aware that the customer service person was asking me if I was alright.

“Not really,” I replied queasily. “I need to sit down.”

I could barely think straight.I was so incredibly nauseous, and my knee really  hurt.

“Ah, I see the package I think,”I assured her, and hung up.

Now, this is the strange part. What actually happened next is that I tried the back door, which was locked. Since only my son knew the combination, I somehow walked back around to the front of the house, and into my dining room. I just don’t remember that part! The only thing I remember next was opening my eyes, sprawled face-down on the wooden floor in a dark puddle of blood. My nose was literally killing.

I had clearly blacked out, but the impact of my not-underweight frame hitting the hard floor straight onto my nose was so uniquely painful it shocked me conscious at the same time, I guess. I’m like, what the heck am I doing on the floor? What’s bleeding here, my nose or my lip? Oh, both!

I got up slowly, onto a nearby chair, utterly confused. Suddenly, I realized that had I remained unconscious or worse, I could have easily been there for a week ‘til anyone would have even known I was there! Oddly, I burst out crying, and I could not stop.

After sobbing inexplicably for a few minutes, I called Hatzalah. Unlike my usual calm demeanor when calling Hatzalah, I was still half-crying, when I called to say that I had fainted & didn’t know why. When they came over, I was calmer, but to my mortification I still could not stop crying. I really thought I’d hit something in my brain when I fell, because there was literally no reason to cry whatsoever.

Anyway, weirdly enough, I told them that I’d come in  through the back door right away, completely & totally forgetting that it had been locked & I’d had to come back around to the front! I did not remember entering my dining room, putting the shoebox on the table, or fainting, of course.

They brought me to the hospital, where I was checked out, & I was fine. People were looking at me pitifully, though,  because it looked like I’d been punched in the face. To this day, several years later, I have a tiny area on my knee where “water”  had rushed to the point of impact, the body’s amazing built-in way to prevent fracture!

All in all, it was a pair of  Target shoes I well remember, long after they’re gone. Thank G-d, I’m not gone!

If I “go”anywhere, though, I know exactly where I want to go: Lakewood Hosts kosher vacation rentals! First of all, I won’t need my dumb old Target shoes there, because I have everything I need under one roof! A stunningly decorated and spacious living room, dining room and kitchen, divine sleeping quarters, a super-clean pool, a beautiful yard, and much more!

If I do want to wear shoes, I can explore the friendly neighborhood, visit the nearby shuls, or treat myself to a fine dining experience as part of my lovely vacation at Lakewood Hosts kosher vacation rentals.

And lastly, while there may not be a Target within walking distance, there are definitely plenty of stores at which to shop.

Although, honestly? At Lakewood Hosts kosher vacation rentals, you are rarely missing anything you’d need to buy!

Except food, if you’re the eating type. Never mind, bring your shoes.